Fat Girl Gets Fit

2008-08-15T12:51:00.000-07:00

Well... This week's weigh in was not as good as last week's, but we're still on a roll. The total so far for pounds of my ass sent to Boca is 12!

I guess I'll need to get used to fluctuations in what I lose or gain. As long as there's more losing going on I'm happy.

This week I'm commiting to going to the gym 2 times. I'd say 3, but I have volleyball on Thursday and will be out of Town on Monday (bump removal) and Friday (going to the "down home" county fair with my cousin). Guess I'll being sweating it up on the treadmill on Tuesday and Wendesday.

I don't even want to talk about the fair. Lord help me when I see Texas Pete's lemonade, DiRusso's Italian Sausage sandwiches and the Elephant Ear stand. These are once a year must-haves! GAH! (thinking that's all I may be eating that day if I am true to my points LoL) I think I can resist the corn dogs, fried veggies, stromboli.... but those three items. Double GAH!! Fair food has to be a tool of the diet devil.... :-/

Hope you all are having a fabulous and fun week so far. Post me coments and let me know what you've been up to, how your weight loss/fitness/health goals are going and what fun stuff you have planned for the weekend. (I know a lot of you read this so comment, darn it! I see you in the traffic stats, I'm curious to see who it actually is LoL)

Enjoy the weekend!

Goodbye 9 pounds of my ass...

2008-08-11T10:17:00.000-07:00

I have happily sent 9 pounds of my ass to a hopefully permanent vacation home in Boca, where they await the arrival of some "friends." That's the equivalent of two bags of ValuTime sugar from Giant Eagle! LoL It's amazing what not drinking pop and watching what I eat can do in one week. Let's hope the momentum continues this week.

My kitchen currently looks like one of those "after tables" that Gillian McKeith creates for people on the British show "You are what you eat" I have one big bowl full of veggies (bok choy, zucchini, cucumbers, onions, mushrooms, potatoes, corn, red peppers, eggplant, green beans, asparagus) and one big bowl full of fruit (strawberries, bananas, plums, pluots, cherries, figs, watermelon). (pics to come)

I started prepping food Sunday night and will finish it up tonight - cooking onions and mushrooms and peppers to be used later in the week for stuffed baked taters, homemade pizza and sandwich wraps, and cooking chicken and lean steak for the baked taters, wraps and salads, cutting up fruits and veggies for raw eating and making a list of things I like to eat and their points values, so I am not always trying to use that darn slider thing. I'm not that patient or coordinated all the time!

Just basically trying to stay motivated and avoid any excuses for not staying true to the whole points thing.

I've also decided what I want to lose as a short term goal, and a longer term goal. First deadline is Jan. 1 and the second is on my 30th birthday, Feb. 24, 2009. I also have a really long-term goal, but not sure of when I want to or will hit that. At least I have something to officially strive for now!

Hope all the rest of you who are trying to lose weight or get healthier are doing well so far this week. I'm thinking about you and praying for you. This isn't easy but I think if we keep reminding each other we're not alone, it'll be a little easier!

Now that you're done reading this, go drink a nice 8 oz. glass of water - you know you want to! ;-)

Hello world, here's a shocker.

2007-03-13T11:42:00.000-07:00

I'm fat.

There, I said it. You can take a collective breath and calm yourselves. I used the F-word and no one was hurt.

I've been fat for as long as I can remember. I was always the kid getting called fatty/tubby/lardball/pig/cow and other various and "creative" names at school. I know what it's like to be picked last for sports teams and to not be asked on a date to the upcoming dance. I rocked the culottes year-round, had horrible short haircuts and was mistaken for a chubby boy on occasion. I didn't have my first kiss till I was 17, and I had to leave the country to get it. While my peers were dating and supposedly making out all the time, I have had in total in my life 3 actual boyfriends. All of them after I turned 18 and two of them long term relationships.

As I got older, it didn't get much better.

Lane Bryant, Avenue and Fashion Bug are my main stomping grounds for fashions. As my fat sisters can attest, it's sucks because you almost always know where the other fatties got their looks from because you either own it yourself or tried it on and dismissed it because it just didn't look right. And now, you see it on her and are super jealous that it makes her look smoking hot (don't lie - we all think it)

Now, I'm not totally downing myself and the fat people of the world. At some point, I accepted who I am and how I look, and for a while I even thought I was damn sexy. I have BBW (big beautiful women) parties and an ex who introduced me to fat porn mags to thank for that (don't judge me). My mind took a serious turn for the positive when I saw women, larger than myself posed like those playboy pin ups I thought all guys dreamed of. And they looked happy and sexy and vixen-like and men paid good money to look at them. I thought damn these women are rocking their fat - I totally want to feel that comfortable in my own skin someday!

And for a while, I was. I dressed up in some seriously skanky clothes and paraded my big ass around those parties like I was a trophy to be won. I'll confess, I owned leather bustiers, mini skirts and clear acrylic porno shoes and they actually saw the light of day! (What was I thinking??) I even dressed as a fat chick playboy bunny one Halloween and was asked to post for one of those very magazines (I said no - I might want to be the president or the next American Idol someday and that would be a bad skeleton in my closet, LoL.)

And for a while, it was fun. I liked the attention but I never slept around and I hated the games women played with each other. (If you think kids and teens can be cruel and vicious, you should sit in a room full of women on the hunt for men sometime and watch them tear each other down in Lord of the Flies chaos)It was false confidence and unfulfilling relationships. All I wanted was someone I could click with and be me around that would make me laugh, not someone who was hot for my bod and ignored everything else - not a turn on to me at all. I met my ex fiancée at one of those parties. Maybe that should have been a sign? I digress....

It's nice to be admired, but the whole fetish atmosphere is somewhat rough. Yes, you need to be attracted to someone to date them, but I want to find someone to value me for my wit, wisdom and sense of humor, not the width of my hips and the weight of my mass.

So that brings me to why I want to lose weight.

I want the people in my life - friends, family and romantically inclined to appreciate me for me. The person who lives inside this fat shell. And sometimes, I think people automatically look past you if you're fat. They don't take the second look to see who is really there, not just the package. The person I'm supposed to be with would love me now, just as much as they would 100 lbs from now. Simply because I am me. But I want to give them a better view to see the goodness and I want to make sure I'm healthy enough to stick around long enough to take that journey and enjoy it with them when I do find them. I don't want to die before I'm 40 because of something I had control over. Shame on me if that's the case.

And on a more selfish note, I want to be able to shop anywhere for clothes, not just shoes and jewelry. I want to walk into a store, see a cute dress and day dream of me in it, not day dream of how much duct tape and butter it would take to squeeze my big keester into it. And I'm tired of being told I "have such a pretty face." blah

Granted, I'll always define myself as the fat girl somehow. I've been her for 29 years and you don't just kill off a part of your very being. I'll still crack my jokes, and be wary of skinny chefs (LOL) and women who look like they need a cookie (yes, I apologize for judging you, but damn - my grandma would feed you so much, so fast your head would spin - pokey-outtie ribs and not cute - you could hurt someone!)

And I will never be truly skinny as defined by society. You are smoking something serious if you think my body will ever be the 150 - 160 lbs the government weight chart recommends. My genetics are against me on that. I just want to be healthy and normal and me again. In high school I always thought I was so big, but you know what? I really wasn't. I was normal and exactly what I should have been. I think I want to get back to that size again.

Me, in 1995/96-ish when I was on the high school danceline. Damn, that's a lot of spandex. LoL

As a side not, I guess I have to disclose that I'm not attracted to small guys. I would not feel comfortable being hugged or kissed by a guy who looks like he would break if I touched him, or looks like I would have to protect him if we ever were stuck in the middle of a bar room brawl. (Not that it's ever gonna happen - but just in case LoL) I don't think this is hypocritical, and hope it doesn't sound that way. I feel better now that I've said it. LoL